All posts tagged: loss

Escaping the Humid Isolation

Published by

This is not a pity-party post even though it might seem like one. The last two months have been so oppressively hot and I am so much heavier now from pandemic isolation and inactivity. My mind imagines all sorts of wonderful things I could do and then I am sabotaged by my body that seems to say, “rest, rest, rest.” So I have been resting. I am listening. And, deep down, I know what I have to do to regain my spark. Yes, I know what I need to do. This year many of my loved ones are dealing with difficult health issues. I want to spend time with them all but it is simply not an option—logistical challenges thwart me. Many of my friends have died. I swing back and forth between wanting to talk about them, to write about them, to honor them in some way, and wanting to stay still and quiet and stay in the moment and trust that they know I care about them, even if they are gone now …

A Gradual Loss and a Gradual Recovery

Published by

The pandemic knocked me for a loop—that’s a given. Since June of 2020, I have not be able to summon up enough energy to write a single blog post. In addition to being house-bound, I was coming to grips with multiple losses—friends dying (not just from the virus), family health crises, and particularly the loss of my mentor and friend, Barry Harris. It was a gradual loss at first; I was last in his presence at his NYC class on March 10, 2020, just as Covid was about to lock us all inside. Terribly afraid of accidentally being a carrier (because at that time nobody knew if you could be asymptomatic and still spread the virus) I did not attempt to visit him at his home. Instead I sent cards and letters, and we had phone calls back and forth, but it was a very sad time as I missed hanging out with him, playing word games, making him my chicken soup and other things we enjoyed. I struggled with anticipatory grief of more losses …

This Tear

Published by

This Tear ©2013 Laurie Early Yes, it is painful to want something you can’t have but worse not to hunger at all. I can’t live without passion, or my love for you, so if that means tears, let them fall….. This tear, this tear, this tear forming in my eye this tear, this single tear, the first of many I will cry. I tried to hold it back, I tried to keep it in, I tried to keep this tear inside, but oh no, this tear, won’t obey me, and it won’t hide. This tear, this tear, this tear rolling down my cheek this tear, this quiet tear, says all the words that I can’t speak. I want to run away from love I can’t explain, but there is no escape when tears don’t dull the pain, and I fear, after this tear, I’ll never be the same. This tear, this tear, this tear falling into space this tear has left me now, as others rush to take its place. I can’t control my heart, my …