All posts filed under: Personal Process

Always something new to learn

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The new year has begun and I am aiming to rededicate myself to writing more in 2025. I will start with the rambling post below that I began drafting last month. I thought the theme would be KNOTS, as I sometimes visualize problems as knots to be untied, mental knots instead of roadblocks, so my post focuses on that a little. But, I changed the title as I now choose to focus on staying positive in a stressful world, opening my mind to new information and ideas, and simplifying my life as much as I can. Wishing you all a successful year ahead, however, you define that for yourself. My hands are a mess! My cat has mistaken them for a play thing and left a few scars then I accidently scraped my left knuckles on a wall. They are healed now but, ouch, not fun. And, I still have ink residue that will just not wash away easily. Recently, I had to deal with a river of black ink that was leaking from what …

Repetition

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One of the tunes I loved to hear Barry Harris play live was Neal Hefti’s “Repetition”. As soon as I would hear Barry play the intro, a feeling of happiness would envelope me. There was something about that piece that brought me a sense of hopefulness and optimism. Perhaps I could hear the concept of repetition, doing something again and again—but skewed with a belief that repeating something just might be even more satisfying than the first or second or fortieth time. I’m not trying to be too deep about it, but that piece really resonated with me. Of course there are recordings, but nothing is the same as hearing him play in the moment. A feeling of joy emanated from him, always the same yet always different, and that is the nature of jazz. This was true no matter what country or venue he performed in. I miss that so much. My life right now does not include much live jazz, not much travel outside of my neighborhood, and not much of my musical …

Trust and Synchronicity

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As I face the upcoming anniversary of the sudden passing of my husband, Derrick, I realize that I have not been writing as much as I used to, and writing is a healing process for me. Therefore, instead of simply adding this anecdote into my daily notebook, I decided to instead share it here on my blog. I haven’t written here in a very long time and I would like to get back into that practice. My story for today, Sunday, 17th of March 2024, began last Wednesday when I chose to watch a film that randomly popped up in my YouTube feed. The black and white film from 1950 was called “Trio”, a set of three short stories by William Somerset Maugham. In the background of the opening credits was an extremely intriguing symbol. I paused the film and sketched the bold lines into my daily notebook. Then I didn’t watch the film right away because the symbol was so magnetic to me that I had to find out what it meant. I had …

Escaping the Humid Isolation

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This is not a pity-party post even though it might seem like one. The last two months have been so oppressively hot and I am so much heavier now from pandemic isolation and inactivity. My mind imagines all sorts of wonderful things I could do and then I am sabotaged by my body that seems to say, “rest, rest, rest.” So I have been resting. I am listening. And, deep down, I know what I have to do to regain my spark. Yes, I know what I need to do. This year many of my loved ones are dealing with difficult health issues. I want to spend time with them all but it is simply not an option—logistical challenges thwart me. Many of my friends have died. I swing back and forth between wanting to talk about them, to write about them, to honor them in some way, and wanting to stay still and quiet and stay in the moment and trust that they know I care about them, even if they are gone now …

Random Acts of Correspondence (Part 1)

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I have a new typewriter. I say “new”, but it’s really over 40 years old. I won it on eBay for 30 bucks plus shipping. It’s a Royal Mercury portable typewriter from the 1960s or 70s; not the same as the typewriter I had as a teenager, but it’s bringing back all those same feels. It’s only had one owner before me who had it since his childhood and in his listing he said it was time for him to let it go. I told him I would take very good care of it for him. I cleaned it last night, and today it took me over four attempts to install a new black ribbon. It seems like this machine had been sitting around in its case for dozens of years, so naturally the old ribbon was dried out. I wonder now if it would have been easier for me if I had chosen to install the black and red ribbon. I think the orientation on those spools would have been more obvious (deep sigh) …

Mumble Jumble (April Fluff Post)

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I have been doing a bunch of random things lately and every day seems to slip away very quickly. I never feel like I have accomplished anything or completed everything I wanted to complete. So, since I was not able to decide on one activity or experience to write about, I decided to share a list of things–in no particular order–to briefly describe some of what’s going on in my life. The funny thing is, after I wrote the list, I can see I actually have gotten some things done and I am generally moving forward. This is very satisfying (insert smile emoji here, lol) CURRENTLY. . . WORKING – a full time job with a multinational company. EATING – a new omelette combo, eggs with diced red onion and chopped dill. I learned about it from Kathryn Grody, wife of Mandy Patinkin, in one of the entertaining YouTube videos her son Gideon posts about his parents. DRINKING – lots of water and Prince of Peace brand organic white tea. WEARING – my comfy pjs …

A Gradual Loss and a Gradual Recovery

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The pandemic knocked me for a loop—that’s a given. Since June of 2020, I have not be able to summon up enough energy to write a single blog post. In addition to being house-bound, I was coming to grips with multiple losses—friends dying (not just from the virus), family health crises, and particularly the loss of my mentor and friend, Barry Harris. It was a gradual loss at first; I was last in his presence at his NYC class on March 10, 2020, just as Covid was about to lock us all inside. Terribly afraid of accidentally being a carrier (because at that time nobody knew if you could be asymptomatic and still spread the virus) I did not attempt to visit him at his home. Instead I sent cards and letters, and we had phone calls back and forth, but it was a very sad time as I missed hanging out with him, playing word games, making him my chicken soup and other things we enjoyed. I struggled with anticipatory grief of more losses …

circles and shadows pattern

Finding the Upside

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For this month’s topic, I will highlight a form of visual poetry I have been creating during this time of self-imposed ‘social distancing’. So, this is my attempt to focus on the upside of isolation; an opportunity to explore creative projects I enjoy, but at a deeper level. However, I will begin with a personal insight from earlier this week.  You see, as I come to grips with the COVID-19 pandemic that is totally changing our daily lives right now, it occurred to me that my life has *already* been shaped by another pandemic. I grew up with a keen awareness of the sudden, devastating and traumatic power of influenza. I was aware of this because a beloved Aunt’s mother was struck down by the Spanish Flu when she was just a small child (1918-1920). Her widowed father re-married and he had two more daughters, the younger of which became my adoptive mother. My Aunt V loved her step-mother (she called her “Mamma”) but the loss of her first mother was always acknowledged as a …

My 2020 Notebooks

Preparing for 2020 (Keeping Notebooks II)

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FLOW is my chosen theme word for 2020 and I have been focusing on staying in a calm, creative mindset  as life swirls all about me. I am exploring all my art supplies, organizing all my music projects, and gathering and sorting all kinds of multi-media materials–my inspirational triggers, all in an effort to keep me in a creative frame of mind for the year ahead. Today, when I decided to write about this theme here, as luck would have it, my first issue of Flow Magazine arrived in the mail from the Netherlands–a holiday gift subscription from my mother. I took it as a confirmation from the Universe that I am truly in the groove! Part of my personal process, as one year ends and another begins, is to prepare a daily journal to reflect on my theme and to note the things in my life that make one day different from the previous ones. I find that if I do not keep this practice, one day can blend into the next and into …

Becoming collage

Magnets and Distractions

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My back is messed up. No use in going over why this happens to me periodically. I will accept that it is for me to deal with even though the initial cause was out of my control. Yes, I know what I am supposed to be doing to avoid a recurrence of this pain–yet it continues to plague me. I should avoid sitting for long periods of time in folding chairs. I should get up at least once an hour and walk around. I should not sit hunched over my computer for 6 hours straight. I should lose weight. I should practice yoga more consistently; the list goes on and on. I understand that other people deal with chronic pain and have much more intense experiences than the few weeks I am disabled by sciatica pain and random back spasms. Perhaps they have ways to deal with it other than the ice packs, ibuprofen, bedrest and stretching exercises I use as my main healing techniques. Mostly though, I wait and DISTRACT myself with work, sleep, …