I really had no clue what I wanted to write about this month, until a sudden epiphany yesterday at choral rehearsal, which occurred during a short verbal exchange, that caused me to think deeper about processes I use to navigate my life now. One of the basses was asked to conduct a piece “rubato” (“out of time“) and we began to sing, but, unfortunately, one choral section was reading the music–not watching the conductor. They were not in synch with the rest of the group. I tried to get their attention with my arms, wildly pointing at him (because, I thought, “Maybe they don’t know we are supposed to be following him.“) But they did not see me at all, so I gave up and just sang along until the song was over. I glanced at the conductor and we exchanged a mutual shoulder-shrug, because it was what it was. What can you do?
Overall, it wasn’t really a big deal, just a rehearsal moment, but I really longed for us to be a cohesive group in order to hear the music as it was supposed to be, not syncopated, but majestically unified. After we ended, I told the section that we were supposed to be following the conductor on this piece, and I was sharply told, “YOU can look at him!” This really surprised me; I did not expect this response. I let it go, but was lead to begin thinking about how valuable established “guides” in life, like conductors, traffic lights, mandated laws, and other guidelines are supposed to make life better and/or easier for the collective, the group. There are so many things in life that we have to navigate on our own, painful personal choices that need to be deeply evaluated, and small moment-by-moment decisions that need to be made every day — how nice it is not to have to think so deeply about everything! How nice that I can learn my alto part and then allow myself to be guided by the creative instincts of the conductor. I can sing and enjoy the creation that we are unfolding as a collective.
That was part of my insight – the true creative power of one’s own knowledge being guided to join with others to create something greater, in this case, the song.
Additionally, I thought about how often I now rely on my intuition and observation of signs around me, physical signs (like the images I have chosen to include in this post “RISE” and “YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO”) that seem to appear to answer specific questions I am pondering at that moment, and the intangible signs and directions I see or hear in my mind – based on memories, or intentions I have set for myself, synchronicities that motivate me to choose a direction or tasks over another. I hope I am not being too vague, but it is difficult to write about a “gut feeling” process, or a intuitive feeling in my mind that I can also feel in my heart or chest.
So, as I live my life in a rubato flow, I am grateful for the signs and guides the universe provides me. I find that the more I surrender to these prompts, the more happiness and fulfillment flows to me.