Do I have regrets?
Yes, I do.
I do.
I regret every lost opportunity
to look towards you
and to smile,
(instead of looking down
at my feet,
or at your feet,
how lame!)
I should have
gazed more deeply into your eyes.
I should have
tried to say what I feel
but without words,
with a glance;
words were not needed.
(Are they needed now?)
Oh yes, I regret
that I was shy.
I regret
thinking that you could
read my mind,
thinking that you understood
that I could not
bear to look at you.
It was pure fear
you would see
how much you meant to me.
(You mean so very much to me.)
Do I have regrets?
I used to say, “No.”
but I realize now, that’s not true,
I regret every lost opportunity
with you.

–Laurie Early, 2018 [Regrets]

---

He says: “the sun doesn’t know anything,
it’s just a stupid star.”

I die a little inside.
No poetry remains in his heart.

He doesn’t realize
all those “stupid stars”
know everything!
They know I fell in love.

-Laurie Early, 2018 [The intelligence of stars]

---

 

My fears are not about who you are or what you might have done in the past.
I see your light, your goodness, your passionate heart and creative spirit.
All of us have made crazy choices in life – that is how we learn what we truly want,
so, I find no fault in choosing to spend any time possible with you.
Do you wish to spend time with me too?
Oh, I would be filled with joy just to sit beside you in silence.
If you wish to fill that silence with conversation, or song,
then my heart will overflow.
If you wish to fill that silence with an embrace,
then my soul will forever be joined with yours
and my mind will bend to my heart’s determined longing.
My fear is that this is all a dream.
My fear is that if it is not a dream, that I will disappoint you, or cause you pain.
My fear is that I am not worthy of your affection.
My fear is that you have experienced so many things
and I have no experience in many things.
I fear I am ugly and old,
but if this is what I am, what choice do I have?
I can only be myself.
My fear is that myself will not be enough.
My fear is that I will give my life to you and you will abandon me.
My fear is that I will fall apart into a thousand pieces—
that I will beg you not to abandon me
as I watch you leave.
But, my greatest fear is not having you in my life at all.

–Laurie Early, 2018 [My Fears]